Yeah I know… This might sound like one big ass rant… But I absolutely hate when people use the words “have to” or “should”.
If you’re a person that uses these words a lot, then don’t worry, I don’t hate you or anything – but chances are that you are not really that much in control of your own life as you might like to think.
Throughout our lives we’ve been indoctrinated with what is expected of us and what lifestages we should all follow in order to “have a normal life”, and we’ve learned to say things like “I have to do XYZ” or “I really should do ABC”.
Stuff like “I should go to school” or “I should be working for the man – getting a steady paycheck” or “I should really call my mother in law”
Let’s just get that big fat rat out in the open!
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING!
Instead you can choose to do something. That might sound like “same same” to you, but there is one big differentiator. If you say “choose” you put yourself in control instead of someone else really determining whether or not you should do something.
And if you are in control, then you can choose not to do XYZ.
“Are you crazy Rasmus” – you might ask… “if I don’t ABC, my boss/wife/mother-in-law/insert-more-terrifying-beasts-here will most certainly KILL ME!”.
Sure, that could be a consequence, but notice the word here. Consequence. When you have the control you can weigh out the different potential outcomes, risks etc and determine for yourself if you believe if you feel that you can live with the consequence.
If you “had to” then you “had to” and then you would have to eat the consequences in any given outcome.
So if you start substituting the words “I have to…” and “I should…” with “I choose to…” you will put yourself back in the driver’s seat of YOUR LIFE!
And isn’t that’s where we really want to be?
BONUS: Can’t
If you say that “you can’t do something…” well guess what happens. Your brain will automatically shut down and spend brainpower somewhere else (I mean there are plenty of areas that could use some extra brainpower right 
)
But! If you tell your brain that the situation is really doable, your brain will like a miracle start looking for solutions, because guess what… That’s what our brain is doing. Finding solutions to stuff we throw at it – whether that is riding a bicycle and coordinating our limbs at what first seems like an impossible action or inventing the next line of smart phones.
So when you say can’t you are really speaking the truth… You can’t and you won’t be able. But if you tell your brain it can be done… You most likely can!
Ahh… so glad that’s over
So what are your thoughts here? Have I stretched it a bit too far this time? Let me know in the comments…
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I chose to tell you that this post made my day.. I am going to put a post-it on my wall to remind me everyday.
Thanks!
Hey Andy, thank you so much for your kind words… Just had to get it out
No Rasmus you have not gone too far at all. I totally agree with what you’re saying. The thing is, it took me a long time to figure this out. Even to the point of working with a personal coach. A great reminder of what to prioritize definitely.
Yesterday I was feeling really bad because I wanted to be outside doing exercise instead of sitting in my office doing nothing, and then I read this post and I felt even more anxious hahahahahahaha
The truth is that I always had something inside me telling me that I wanted more, but society keeps telling you to do the same stuff
is incredible how people is always making the same thing even if it doesn’t work over and over, I’m working hard towards creating freedom now, I can’t wait for the day where I don’t need any job to survive any longer and just to yell back to society the great quote from Rage Against the Machine
FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!!!!
great post Rasmus
@Rodrigo: Thanks man…. I kind of wanted to provoke a little with this post. Make people focus more on choices instead of feeling that they “have” to do something. There is always a choice in life – so YOU should be the one making it, not someone else on your behalf.